WHEN THE CUSTOMER GOES APE
Jeannie worked at the sales desk in an auto parts supply company. This may interest you because when she faced a really angry customer she remembered the APE principle and was able to apply it.
“Was he angry! He came barging in here like he owned the place. At first I felt frightened, but then I realised that he was just upset. He was one of those people who rant and rave a lot.
“Thank goodness I remembered my TUF principles, because this customer was going ‘APE’… That’s Action Perception Emotion and I knew I should respond to the emotion first and then deal with the perception and the action that led to the emotional outburst.
“Well, to begin with I took a deep breath, remembered that stuff, I’m OK, You’re OK, and then thought about his emotions. I didn’t have to think too much I can tell you. It was just a question of looking. What did I see in front of me? One very upset customer. So I simply said what I saw, without judging. I said ‘This has really upset you hasn’t it.
“‘You bet it has’, he yelled, ‘I am sick to death of always having to bring these things back’. I stayed calm, breathed deeply and named my feelings to myself and said ‘I am sorry this has happened again, I can see it takes your time and is just another thing you don’t need to do in the day’. ‘Yeah he said. There’s so much happening now in my business, I can’t afford to waste time.’
“I noticed he was calming down and said, ‘Let’s have a look at what’s gone wrong with the ordering system. I’m sure we can sort it out.’ By this stage, he was ready to do business. I didn’t feel defensive; I knew that whatever the mistake was, we could learn from it.”
What does our hero do right here?
- To begin with, our hero keeps thinking in the face of angry and aggressive behaviour. That’s not always easy. So often, when someone is emotional, they trigger a strong response in us as well – at which point it is quite a task to keep thinking clearly.
- Our hero remembers the APE principle as a handy way of understanding this situation as it happens. This little rule tells our hero: respond to the emotion first. This rule provides a kind of container for emotional situations.
- Our hero has another principle, which also helps in this situation. This is I’m Ok, You’re OK . This helps them realise that the customer is basically a good person. Right now, the customer is very upset about something that is important to them, and this is how they are expressing it. It might not be the best way to communicate, but it is the best they can do right now. If you stay with them, they will eventually calm down and you can continue with the business.
- Notice that our hero took a deep breath. In situations where you get anxious, you can easily hold your breath, or your breathing becomes shallow. This means you get less oxygen to your brain and other vital organs and you feel even more anxious. Deep breathing helps you centre yourself and brings a sense of calm.
- Our hero ‘gets’ the customer when they say ‘This has really upset you hasn’t it’ They go even further when they name the reason why the customer is upset (this is taking up his valuable time). To be a hero, you need to work out which words and which tone of voice will convey your genuine concern for the customer in front of you. It won’t work if there is a hint of sarcasm or indifference in your voice.
- Our hero’s apology is prompt and sincere. A hero doesn’t offer excuses or reasons why their own company has failed to deliver. Our hero has picked up on what is important to the customer by saying ‘I see it takes your time’.
- Once our hero sees the customer calming down, then they know they can move on to solving the problem. That is the purpose of the whole APE principle, so that you can work with the customer to solve their problem. Responding to emotions is not an end in itself. It does, however, have to come first before you can get to dealing with the perception and the action where necessary.
- Our hero doesn’t take the ranting and raving personally. They see this as an opportunity to learn and improve the ordering system. This gives them objectivity when dealing with highly emotional situations.
So there are eight things at least that the hero did in that one interaction. When you practise the TUF skills and think about what you have done you will become more at ease with dealing with difficult people.
Let us know how you get on. We would love to hear from you and give feedback if you want.