The Weight This Manager Didn’t Know He Was Carrying

Charlie’s Story

I bumped into Charlie, an old acquaintance, at the gym last week, and he asked how the TUF program was going. I told him how the CFL program was rocking. It was making an immediate impact on the managers who were enrolled. I was excited to tell him of one manager who said to me the week before:

“It’s night and day between how I handled situations before and how I do now. I stay calm and de-escalate rather than react. Now I can handle conflict conversations on my own—and my managers come to me for advice, whereas before I used to go to them for help.”

Charlie looked sad as he reflected on his working life.

He had led people for most of his career. Smart. Respected. Calm under pressure.
But it wasn’t until he stepped out of leadership that he noticed what had been dragging him down all those years.

Charlie recently retired from management after decades of leading teams. And when he did, something unexpected happened.

His shoulders lifted.

Not metaphorically. Physically. He felt lighter in a way he hadn’t experienced in years.

That’s when he realized: the weight of managing people had been pressing down on him the entire time. He just hadn’t known it was there.

The Pattern Started Early

Charlie remembered being a young person flatting with friends. There was always that one difficult flatmate. You know the type, the one who never did their dishes, who played music too loud, who somehow always had an excuse when rent was due.

Back then, Charlie and his flatmates had two options:

Tell the person they were no longer welcome (terrifying)
Wait for them to leave on their own (more common)

They never learned how to actually deal with the difficult person. They just endured it, avoided it, or hoped it would go away.

Sound familiar?

The Same Pattern, Different Context

Fast forward to Charlie’s career in leadership. Different setting, same dynamic.

Difficult team member? Avoid the conversation until it becomes unavoidable.

Tension between colleagues? Hope they work it out themselves.

Someone underperforming? Drop hints and wait for them to figure it out.

Charlie was capable, respected, and successful by most measures. But the people side of leadership? That was the weight. The constant low-level stress. The Sunday night dread. The mental rehearsals of conversations he’d never actually have.

He managed around people problems rather than through them.

And here’s the thing: he thought that was just what leadership felt like.

What He Wishes He’d Known

When Charlie and I talked about his career, he said something that stuck with me
“I wish I’d learned this when I was still managing people.”

Not leadership theory. Not strategic planning. Not even communication skills in the abstract sense.

He wished he’d learned how to handle difficult people without it feeling like a crisis every time.

How to have the conversation without losing sleep the night before.

How to address tension before it became a resignation letter.

How to say the hard thing without it destroying the relationship.

The Training Nobody Gets (But Everyone Needs)

Here’s what’s wild: we promote people into management roles and expect them to figure out the people stuff on their own.

You get technical training. Strategy training.

Maybe some generic leadership course that teaches you about “active listening” but doesn’t tell you what to do when you feel overwhelmed and uncertain, or when someone’s crying in your office, or when two team members haven’t spoken to each other in three weeks.

The TUF Conflict-Free Leadership Program exists because of people like Charlie.

Managers who are good at their jobs but are carrying weight they don’t need to carry.

Leaders who dread Monday mornings because of that one person they need to deal with.
People who love their work but wish the people side didn’t feel so hard.

What Makes TUF Different

This isn’t a quick one-day workshop where you learn a framework one week and forget it by the following Tuesday.

It’s a 6-month structured program where you’re part of a small cohort of managers learning and growing together.

You bring your real situations — the difficult team member, the tension in your department, even the tricky family conversation you’ve been avoiding — and work through them in weekly live group coaching calls.

You’re not collecting abstract ideas. You’re practicing real skills with real feedback, in action-feedback loops that actually change how you show up.

There’s a self-paced online curriculum you can dip into whenever you need a tool or refresher. And if you miss a call? Recordings keep you on track without the pressure.

What Changes

Managers in the TUF program report:
Fewer people issues — because you know how to handle tension without escalating it, which leads to calmer, more connected teams.

“I’d seen others manage tough situations so well, and I didn’t want to be the one who couldn’t.”
More confidence under pressure — you stop second-guessing yourself and start leading calmly, even when emotions run high.

“The models John taught actually work. I’ve used them with staff and customers and got results I’d never have managed before.”

Better communication everywhere — the skills transfer beyond work: to your family, your partner, even the barista on a bad day.

“My family’s proud. I was an introverted software developer—no one expected I’d become a people manager.”

A genuine sense of control — not about being perfect, but knowing what to do when things go sideways and trusting yourself to handle it.

“I can see myself stepping up to a higher leadership role now. What used to feel impossible feels within reach.”

More sleep. Less worry. Lighter shoulders.

Charlie’s Wish for You

Charlie spent his career carrying weight he didn’t need to carry.

He wishes he’d known there was another way.

That difficult people didn’t have to be endured or avoided. That the people side of leadership could actually be the part he felt confident about.

If you’re a manager who loves your work but finds the people challenges exhausting…

If you’re recently promoted and realizing nobody taught you how to do the hard parts of leadership…

If you’ve been in the role for years and still dread certain conversations…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Ready to Lift the Weight?

The TUF Conflict-Free Leadership Program gives you the practical skills, confidence, and peace of mind that Charlie wishes he’d had.

Check out the TUF Website or Book a 45-Minute FREE Game Plan Call.