Julie complained that while she was good at being positive and showing empathy with difficult customers, she found it more challenging to do the same with her co-worker Susan who really got on her nerves. She had seen the following definition of empathy and while believing it to be true, Read more…
“We are getting more and more irate customers. Our staff don’t know how to deal with them.” Here at Thriving Under Fire we are getting more enquiries like this than ever before. For the past 20 years we have specialized in de-escalation training and managing emotions at work. Our pandemic Read more…
FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss can teach us an enormous amount about getting on with others. His book Never Split the Difference comes from years of dealing with the most challenging hostage situations around the world. He says a hostage negotiator can’t afford to split the difference. Picture a hostage Read more…
As a kid, I got mixed messages about anger. My parents were frequently angry. When they were angry, they would hit me or one of my eight siblings. It’s understandable they were mightily frustrated. Anger and aggression were very closely linked for me. I learned in church that anger was Read more…
In 2009 a friend of mine, 18-year-old Eva Maria published a book titled “You Shut Up!” hoping to improve communication between adults and teens. “Adults need to shut up and listen to what young people are saying”, she said. Ten years later the generation gap between millennials, Gen Xers and Read more…
In the video “It’s not about the nail” a woman sits on the couch with her partner and complains of terrible headaches that simply won’t go away. She has no idea what’s causing them. The camera pans out to reveal a large nail in her forehead. It’s a shocking picture Read more…
Imagine a stadium full of people shouting as loud as possible for a minute or two before the first whistle had even been blown. That was the scene at a recent rugby test match in New Zealand between the All Blacks and Tonga. The purpose was to encourage people to Read more…
When dealing with problem behaviours you first want to listen empathetically to the other person then you want to share with them how this affects you. Thirdly you want to find a solution to these two competing examples. You have already taken the first two steps for helping an upset Read more…
When dealing with another person’s problem behaviours use empathetic listening to uncover what might be the underlying issues that cause their outburst. [Read the first step HERE] The next step is to work out how they can come up with new behaviours that don’t impinge on the life of others. Read more…
Sometimes you might think that an adult is acting like a child when they have an emotional meltdown. They have an outburst just like a child might. You may be tempted to become judgmental and tell them to grow up and act like a grown up but that won’t help Read more…