While traveling this week, I found myself on the other side of a feedback conversation — the complaining side.
My wife and I can be considered “difficult” restaurant customers because we’re vegan. We know it can be tricky, but we also know what we ordered.
At a restaurant with a catchy name, our meals arrived — and it was clear something wasn’t right. Mine came with an egg on the plate, and my partner’s burger had non-vegan mayo.
The server quickly took them back to fix the mistake, but by the time our food returned, we were late for our next appointment. And to top it off, the replacement burger came on a gluten-free bun. (Vegans may be particular, but we’re not all gluten-free.)
The Feedback Moment
When I went to pay, I decided to give the owner some feedback. I told her we’d been disappointed — that the mix-up and delay meant we had to eat quickly and didn’t enjoy the experience.
Before I could even finish, she interrupted to explain. The server was new, she said, and didn’t yet understand what “vegan” meant.
What I Actually Needed
I didn’t need an explanation. I knew there would be a reasonable cause behind the mix-up.
What I needed was to be heard.
A simple, “I’m sorry we let you down today,” would have been enough. Instead, the excuses left me feeling dismissed.
This is the same mistake many leaders make when they receive feedback from their team — they rush to justify instead of listening.
It’s Not About You
Criticism is hard to hear, especially when you didn’t cause the problem directly. The restaurant owner wasn’t to blame, but she was embarrassed and felt attacked.
That’s a natural human response. But when someone is giving feedback — whether it’s a customer, a colleague, or a team member — the moment isn’t about you.
They’re not looking for a rational breakdown of what went wrong. They’re looking for acknowledgment.
Check Your Reactions
In the week ahead, notice how you respond to feedback.
- Do you become defensive?
- Do you try to explain or rationalize?
- Or can you simply listen and acknowledge the other person’s experience?
Being an active listener is one of the most powerful leadership skills you can develop.
When you stop taking feedback personally, you create space for trust, learning, and growth.
Book a Free Game Plan Call today to learn how to handle feedback and conflict with calm confidence:
| P.S. We can offer this training online for those who are unable to attend a workshop. We hold public workshops in Wellington throughout the year or in-house workshops anywhere in New Zealand. Get in touch if you want. Call me on 027 246 0411 to chat about how we can help your situation. contact us directly. |
